


Countess Who?

by MissILikeTooManyFandoms



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Doctor Who
Genre: Doctor Who AU, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 17:31:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4488417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissILikeTooManyFandoms/pseuds/MissILikeTooManyFandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura's just minding her own business when a mysterious woman literally runs into her life, ruining her perfectly wholesome and not child-like lunch. Laura just wanted to play with the popular new Happy Meal toys but instead finds herself in a race against time. Between robots and stolen books, perhaps Laura's life is about to change for the better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Countess Who?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Tumblr prompt "Hollstein =space girlfriends." They're not quite girlfriends but this little equation sparked quite a bit of inspiration. I might even turn this into something. Anyway, enjoy! 
> 
> And spoilers for season 8 of Doctor Who except not really because if you haven't watched you wouldn't be able to recognize them as spoilers anyway. There's just some dialogue that won't quite make sense.
> 
> Also this is my longest one shot ever. Holy crap.

“These better have been worth the thirty minute wait. What am I kidding of course they were!” Laura glanced around hastily before dumping out the contents of her three McDonald’s Happy Meals.

She barely managed to rescue the tiny packets of fries from falling to the ground but she hardly gave them much thought, tossing them all into one of the boxes while she hastily freed her prizes from their plastic wrap. Once uncovered, she admired her new possessions briefly before carefully lining them all up on the bench she had commandeered for her lunch. She wound up the sleek, silver bots in turn, squealing as they buzzed to life, beginning to wobble down the wooden slats. The buzzing grew louder as they continued to wobble but Laura was too amazed by how long her winding up had lasted. She had never seen such a toy last for so long.

When the three bots turned around simultaneously and without aid, she dropped the burger that was halfway to her mouth. The once blue and green lit eyes had turned a frightening shade of red and the buzzing was so loud it nearly hurt. As they marched back to their owner, the bots vibrated more and more, as if about to come apart at their bolts. A second strange buzzing sounded nearby, a higher pitched, quicker sound and before Laura could wonder at the source, a leather-clad woman appeared from practically out of nowhere, black curls bouncing and chiseled jaw taut. She pointed a strange device, which Laura quickly noted as the source of the second sound, at the toys, causing them to halt and topple over, but before Laura could thank or berate her, she had not decided which yet, the woman rushed off.

“Hey!” Laura jumped off the bench and rushed after the mysterious woman but before making it too far down the path, she hastily backtracked, swiping one of her burgers before returning to the chase, her messenger bag banging painfully against her knee with every step. Despite her food driven diversion, Laura was able to keep the women in sight. Once they left the park Laura had chosen for lunch, Laura watched as the woman wove in and out of cafes and areas where people congregated to eat, pointing her strange device at every toy she passed. She even knocked bags out of people’s hands, crushing toys underfoot.

Laura followed her for three blocks before at last, heavy London traffic was on her side. A double-decker bus full of tourists stood stopped at the next curb, forcing the woman ahead of her to stutter step and attempt to go around, disregarding the crawl of cars around her. Luckily, Laura managed to catch up and yank the woman back from certain death at the wheels of yet another double-decker.

“Get your hands off of me!”

“Wow, sorry for saving your life.” Laura kept her hold on the clearly agitated woman though she nearly released her in shock once she saw her face (the slight accent had thrown her as well). The toy killer was stunning, even with her eyes flashing in anger.

“That bus hardly would have killed me, creampuff, but your concern is cute, now if you excuse me.” She made to move away, sighing as she found herself still in the smaller woman’s hold. “What? What is it? You’re cute, buttercup, but no you can’t have my number.” The words were delivered with a smirk and a long rakish gaze despite her words.

“I don’t want your number! You broke my toys!” Laura cringed as she shouted, realizing just how ridiculous she sounded as soon as the words left her mouth, but she maintained her grip on the woman. “And it’s Laura. I’m not your creampuff or buttercup or whatever.”

“I broke your toys? Are you serious? Have you been paying attention-“ Several loud pops interrupted the strange woman, the sounds seemingly repeating themselves off in the distance, steadily becoming quieter. Screaming followed only a few moments later. “Great! If anyone is hurt it’s on your head, cutie!” With a great pull, the dark haired woman freed herself of Laura’s grasp before darting into traffic, which had startlingly stilled, people pouring out of smoking cars and clutching burnt and bleeding children. Desperately trying to pretend she had never heard “it’s on your head, cutie,” Laura continued after the woman, allowing herself only a few moments to take in the carnage around her.

They wound their way through central London, dodging stream after stream of panicked parents and young adults not unlike Laura. Still several paces behind, Laura took note of the mystery woman’s continued efforts to deactivate the strange toys, weaving in and out of people and buildings, her odd device in hand. Even so far back Laura could hear its telltale buzzing. She lost sight of her around a building but before Laura could really worry about it, she slammed right back into her, but the woman did not budge, the collision instead sending Laura falling back hard on to the concrete. She just barely managed to keep her head from hitting the pavement.

“Dammit! They switched the frequency.” The leather clad stranger appeared to have not noticed the impact, fiddling with her device. As she stood, Laura noticed that along with being capable of making different noises, the buzzing changing frequency and pitched as its owner clicked it, the device also lit up, giving the pale woman a bit of a purple tinge with every click. “How’d you get down there, cutie? Trip over your own feet?” Laura groaned as she was disturbed from her analysis to find an arched brow and a yet another infuriating smirk.

“Who are you?” She pulled herself to her feet, ignoring the half offered hand and brushing off her jeans.

“That’s the question of the hour, sweetheart.” Her laugh sent shivers down Laura’s spine. “But you can call me The Countess.”

“Are you a supervillain?” Another laugh and Laura was really beginning to think she might be right.

“Maybe. Just maybe, Laura.” Without another word she whirled around and resumed her mad dash through traffic. Laura followed with a groan. Luckily, The Countess at least let her keep up this time.

“What’s with the toys? And what’s that in your hand? And frequencies?” She struggled to speak, not at all use to the pace the strange woman was keeping with apparent ease, but her questions managed to only sound mostly breathless.

“You really haven’t been paying attention have you? They’re not toys. They’re time bombs and they’ve been going off since noon.” Apparently the almost friendliness of moments prior had vanished.

“Noon? It’s nearly three!” She sucked in several breaths of air, her steps stuttering as she fell a bit behind.

“I’m so glad you can tell time.” They barely avoided a taxi and its swearing cabbie.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Having managed to catch up thanks to the disgruntled driver, Laura spoke a bit more clearly, thankfully feeling a bit less like her side was going to explode.

“Which one? There were so many I couldn’t quite keep track and not to mention I’m not here to play Twenty Questions. I’m trying to stop a robot invasion. I don’t exactly have time to fill you in.” Though they had been running at practically a breakneck speed for at least ten minutes, The Countess showed no signs of exhaustion, her sultry voice scathing but even.

“You…You don’t have to be…such….such a raging bad person about it!” Half enraged, half out of breath, Laura reluctantly restrained herself from strangling the woman just a step ahead of her.

“It’s a sonic screwdriver. It’s a tool. My tool. It works on everything. Except wood, but that’s not important, what is important is that I’ve been using it to shut those damn bots off but they changed the frequency. That’s why we’re running. I’ve tracked the source down.” They turned around another hard corner as The Countess showed off her screwdriver, turning it in hand as it beeped and seemingly led their way. Laura had barely noticed in their mad dash, but the streets were practically deserted.

“Who is ‘they?’” She bit back another retort as her companion sighed.

“Don’t know for sure, cutie, but I have a hunch.” They came to a sudden halt at the steps of the British Museum. Laura barely questioned the stop, taking the time to gulp in large breaths of air while The Countess fiddled with her screwdriver. Without a word, the woman in leather bounded up the steps, leaving Laura to chase after her yet again. Luckily for Laura, she did not have to run for long, their search having slowed to a walk as they hunted through the exhibits. “I should have seen this coming. The signs were all there.” The Countess spoke to herself, eyes trained on her blinking sonic but she maneuvered around display cases and other obstacles with ease.

“What is ‘this?’ What signs?”

“Do you ever stop asking questions?” At least she acknowledged Laura’s existence.

“Nope. Sorry. It’s my job.” Only the slightest bit of pride oozed into her voice. She nearly fished into her bag for her press pass.

“Not that I care, but what would that happen to be, sweetheart?”

“Investigative journalist.” She tamped down the urge to sock the woman in the jaw.

“Ah. Wonderful. The only thing I hate almost as much as a soldier. Am I your next scoop, creampuff?” They took a corner sharply, nearly sending Laura into a sarcophagus.

“Maybe. I have the sneaking suspicion that you’re not going to let that happen.” She glared at the flawless jawline to her left, even more furious at herself for finding the irritating woman attractive even in profile.

“Well, let’s see if we survive this debacle first and then we’ll talk.”

Before Laura could let out a startled “eep!” she found herself shoved to the ground as bright flashes of lights flew past, causing plaster and marble to burst apart. The Countess remained on top of her for only a moment after tackling Laura, quickly jumping up and aiming her screwdriver at something the reporter could not see.

“Lasers?!” She was beginning to think that she was still in the park, unconscious from either a blow to the head or the chemicals in the food she was eating. Maybe it was that sugar coma her father was always warning her about.

“Oh, did I not mention that these robots are from space and a much more technologically advanced race? Oops. Good thing they’re no match for this alien.” With a wink, The Countess breezed by, still aiming and clicking her sonic rapidly. Laura scrambled after her, being careful to hide behind every exhibit as she followed, wary of more lasers.

“Alien?”

“You’re not very bright are you?” She was out of sight, but the haughty voice drifted back loud and clear.

“I thought you were Austrian!”

“No time to explain, just go with it!” The Countess caught her around the middle as she ran through a narrow archway, jerking back from yet another laser. “I’m not human. I’m a Time Lord. Two hearts. I’m smarter than you. Those are the important bits. Now, can you hold off on the questions until after we stop the robots? Okay. Good.” She dropped Laura and took off again, sliding under a wide laser beam and clicking her screwdriver. At last, Laura got a look at what they were fighting, a large, clumsy looking robot. It fell with a loud clang but The Countess barely gave it a second glance, hopping over it to a stand before a display. “Aha!”

Laura ignored the woman, already able to feel her pride oozing out from several feet away, and edged toward the fallen robot, prodding it gently. It looked oddly familiar, but she could not place it, as if from a dream, or more accurately, from a nightmare. She was close enough to see that the robot was not as smooth or as well put together as it appeared from far away or when hiding from its vicious attacks. The chest consisted of several poorly welded, mismatched metals. Laura could even see gears poking through.

“Careful with that. They can’t make robots worth a damn but they sure know how to make bombs.” Laura jumped away, attaching herself rather accidentally to The Countess, but even though she had spoken to Laura, the woman had not turned and seem, yet again, unaware of their close proximity. Standing on the balls of her feet, Laura took in the display The Countess was examining with such care. A man sat at a desk, writing at a steady pace. In the near silence of the mostly empty museum, she could hear a faint ticking. The entire display reminded Laura of a clock. “It’s an automaton. One of three, of Jaquet-Droz’s automata. This is the writer.”

“And those…robots wanted it?”

“Yes. They’re a copycat race. They scavenge parts of other species and civilizations and make it their own. They’re not actually robots. That would imply they were built by someone or something else. They wanted this tech in an effort to make better suits for themselves. They’re wannabe Cybermen at the moment.” The Countess poked and prodded at the finely dressed, practically ancient automaton. She seemed almost bored but Laura could see something akin to fascination sparking in her dark eyes.

“Cybermen? Those things that pretended to be the dead?” She repressed a shudder as flashes of the previous few months came to her mind unbidden.

“Oh, so you do pay attention.” Again, The Countess seemed also bored.

“One was my mother.” Laura nearly laughed at how quickly The Countess turned around, her eyes wide.

“I am so sorry to hear that.” She fiddled with her screwdriver yet again, though Laura noted that this appeared to be more out of habit than anything else. “Do you know how this works? The automaton?” She smiled as Laura shook her head. “It’s just like a clock, well, more like a computer. It’s all coded in the cams, these…uh…spinning pieces. They turn rotary motion into linear motion and strikes levers. This guy here can write anything that’s forty letters long. His programming just has to be altered a bit. He’s the most complicated of all of Jaquet-Droz’s creations. That’s why the Corvae want it.” She looked away, but Laura could still see the way her eyes had lit up as she spoke. The explanation had meant little to the sleep and sugar deprived journalist, but she supposed the intent had been sweet enough though the mystery of The Countess only deepened in her mind. A not-so-nice alien with a thing for clockwork robots and a weird screwdriver but was saving everyone from possessed toys? Before she could attempt to unravel the mental knot that was quickly likening itself to the mythical Gordion, Laura felt a warm hand sliding into her own as the current focus of her thoughts dragged her off yet again.

“Wait, where are we going? Don’t we have…stay and protect the writer or something?” She stumbled after the Countes, bumping into countless priceless artifacts as they turned sharp corners and down narrow, dim hallways.

“You’ve been watching too much TV, creampuff. Or playing too many videogames. And it hardly needs protecting, I took one of the pieces. It’s useless now.” A glint of silver flashed in the hand not holding Laura’s. There was little time to be comforted by their lack of a grand, last stand, however. They rounded another corner and found themselves face to face with a room full of the rusty, mismatched Corvae. “Well, it was nice knowing you, cutie.” Laura was not entirely sure how she planned to respond but there was no time regardless. The Countess shoved the silver cog into her hand and dashed through a gap in the Corvae lines, shouting, “She’s got what you’re looking for, bolts for brains!” Before the ranks closed, Laura, mouth gaping, caught her wink and smirk.

On her own and grasping a seemingly innocuous object, Laura did as any upstanding, well-read young adult would do, and kicked out at the nearest metal creature. Her Krav Maga training did her well, causing a mini domino effect as the bumbling bots fell into each other and allowing her to slip further into the room in search of an exit. She caught sight of a black curtain and with fingers crossed that it was actually a doorway (and that she was not about to pull a Sirius Black), she began to make her way towards it, sliding between her clumsy attackers and ducking below laser beams. The sounds of splintering plaster and the heat radiating off the robots all around her (that she unfortunately recalled could make bombs like no other), spurred her further. Only sporting a mild burn and a few bruises from flesh to metal contact, Krava Maga only aiding her so much, she finally dove through the curtain.

She slammed into the stone wall on the other side impossibly hard, her nose crunching as it exploded with pain, blood immediately gushing from the impact. She hardly noticed the way her elbows and knees smacked the marble painfully, her height having been just the right distance from the curtain to the stone. As she slipped in her own blood trying to pull herself up, one hand pressed to the wall, she thanked whatever deity that overlooked creepy, dark curtained dead ends that she had not broken her neck. After continued slipping and sliding in her own blood, she settled with her back to the wall, head tilted back in an effort to keep the pool of blood around her from growing. The damn silver cog, now slick and tinted red, remained in a tight fist as she glared daggers at the black curtain swaying slightly a few feet away. She waited and waited, every sound making her jump. The _clank clank_ of burdensome steps nearly made her launch the cog, but the steps never stopped near the curtain, not even the briefest of pauses. They always moved on.

When the bleeding finally stopped and her face had stopped pounding by the slightest degree, she stood, moving cautiously toward the curtain. Surely they had moved away from the entrance to the atrium by now. She would be able to escape, right? She had been running all day. She could run just a tad longer. Just as she moved close enough that she could reach out and touch the fabric, a shining, pale face appeared to her right, dark eyes alight with mischief.

“I was wondering where you had wandered off to. Wait, is that blood?” The Countess’ gaze swept down, lingering a bit on Laura’s chest before examining the ground and the stone wall. “I leave for ten minutes and you throw yourself into a wall? Nice work, cupcake. Very sound strategy. At least you still have the key.” She turned and vanished down whatever dark corridor from whence she came, lazily beckoning for Laura to follow her without a single glance. Laura stomped after her, shaking her head as her small frame vibrated with rage. She was not sure what she was supposed to lock onto with The Countess’ return but she settled on anger, wrapping it around her tired and bloody form like an armored cloak.

“What the hell was that? ‘Oh, sorry, cutie, nothing personal but just take this thing and hope the robots don’t kill you?’” She squeezed past the leather-clad alien, their shoulders brushing as she moved to walk beside her.

“You’re not dead are you? I figured you were smart enough not to get yourself killed.” She shrugged, as if Laura was not seconds away from punching her square in her flawless jaw. Through her slightly red tinged gaze, Laura noticed that she now carried a small leather tome. She tapped it against her leg every few steps, pale fingers sliding over the spine with obvious care.

“What’s with the book? Did you seriously abandon me to go snatch a book?” She walked a few a more steps before she realized that the Countess had stopped. She nearly laughed at her offended expression.

“I didn’t ‘snatch’ anything. This is my book and the whole reason I’m in this mess. A small army of those damn toys snuck onto my ship and stole this. Apparently they thought Kant was an expert in robotics. Idiots. But now that I have this, we can leave this whole mess behind.” She offered Laura a genuine smile before brushing past her, their fingers meeting for just a moment. It was Laura’s turn to stand outraged in the hall.

“All this for a book? And what about all the robots? And this…this thing that you made me risk my life for. You can’t just…leave!” The hall was so narrow that as she ranted and waved her arms, Laura’s fingers brushed the walls to either side, her movements becoming even more agitated as The Countess smirked at her, laughter bubbling in her throat.

“I believe you’ve been woefully mislead, sweetheart. Did you take me for some benevolent creature come to save you and your miserable kind? They took my book and now I have my book. I’m done. And that’s just one of the letter keys. The writer can no longer write the letter ‘z.’ No one will miss it.” She chuckled before turning back around but was quickly stopped as Laura leapt forward, yanking her back.

“You stopped the Cybermen! I saw you! And…and all the other weird stuff that happens here. I’m a reporter. It’s my job to know. You’ve saved London three times in the past six months!” Laura dropped her hands and made a half-step back as The Countess’ face darkened.

“So I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets. I gave you that key so you’d stick around and provide the distraction I needed but it looks like I wouldn’t have needed the ruse. What do you want, Laura?” She edged closer and though only an inch taller than her, she seemed to tower over Laura in her thinly veiled rage.

“I…I don’t…I just wanted to meet you. To get to know you. I know you’ve…taken girls with you before. I’ve spoken to a few of them. Sarah Jane. Elsie. I thought they were lying. That they were bitter that you had left them behind.” She dug into her messenger bag, her bloody fingers slipping on the leather. She yanked out several loose pieces of paper, shoving them in The Countess’ face. Dark eyes roved them for only a few seconds but picked out words like “lonely alien,” “secret hero,” and “bigger on the inside.”

“You want to travel with me?” She collapsed against the nearest wall, head in her hands.

“Yes! More than anything.”

“All the lies…?”

“I mean who wouldn’t be freaked out about some stranger running up to them and telling them they knew everything about them? Not that I know _everything_ about you, just the basics and bit more than the general population of Britain. I didn’t want to scare you off.” The pages laid forgotten on the ground. Laura stepped on them as she hesitantly moved closer.

“You thought the Corvae were scary?” The Countess looked up suddenly, something strange swirling in her expression. It made Laura back up, her hand hitting the wall behind her.

“I wouldn’t say scary-“

“I’ve faced much worse than the Corvae, Laura. They’re nothing.”

“Do the Cybermen often steal your books?” Her back hit the wall as The Countess laughed, a twisted, frightening sound.

“You’re scared of the Cybermen? There’s so much worse out there than the Cybermen, Laura. They’re practically harmless in comparison to the other monsters in the universe. I’m one of them you know and the rest of them hate me. They seek me out. They didn’t know the word ‘Countess’ before they met me. It doesn’t mean the same in their languages as it does in yours. They call me the ‘Oncoming Storm,’ the destroyer of worlds, Laura, and you want to travel with me?” She stood nose to nose with Laura, her breath hitting her lips.

“You’re a hero. You save people. I’ve seen it in the news. I’ve heard it in whispers. I saw it today.” She could not help the way her eyes flickered to the lips only a few centimeters away.

“I blew up a few toys, Laura. I hardly saved your life and if I had, I threw you right back into danger, you said so yourself. And I only did it to hone in on their frequencies so I could find my book.”

“I want to go with you.” Laura flinched as The Countess whirled away, fingers pulling at dark curls.

“Why? Why do you want to come with me?”

“I…I want…” She took a shaky breath, giving The Countess time to turn back around, her eyes widening as she remembered.

“The Cybermen. You mentioned your mother. You know I travel in time and space.” She sighed as Laura gave a weak nod. “I can’t bring your mother back, Laura, and that…that thing that was in the Cybermen…it was your mother but it also wasn’t. It was her mind, saved like a computer program, but…she’s still dead, Laura, and I lost people that day too but…I can’t bring her back. She’s gone. And we can’t go back and save her from a car crash or save her from cancer or stop that mugger…we can’t.”

“You have a time machine! You…you have a magic screwdriver-“

“My sonic can’t start a heart or mend a bone and…the moment you met me, Laura, your mother’s death became a fixed point in time. It can’t be changed. Your mother’s death led you to me today. None of this would have happened if your mother had not died. It can’t be changed. I’m sorry.” She bit her lip as Laura slumped against the wall, eyes downcast as she hastily wiped at falling tears. “Come with me.” She took off without another word, leaving Laura to catch up for the umpteenth time that day. She did not have far to go, however. At the end of the hall stood an old police call box.

“Your ship.” Her whisper was lost as The Countess unlocked the door and stepped inside, leaving the door open so that Laura could follow.

“Welcome to the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension In Space. My ship and my only friend. Or did you already know all that, Lois Lane?” This time, Laura did not feel threatened by the arched brow, which she hardly noticed as her eyes wandered the control room in wonder. It was quite dark but orbs dotted the walls, giving off a faint light. Strange symbols swirled among the lights and around the rings hovering above the console. “Well, are you going to say it or not? I saw it written down on those pages.” When Laura turned back to face her, The Countess looked almost put out.

“I don’t want to give you the satisfaction.” She giggled as the alien huffed and strolled around her to lean lazily against the console.

“So what’ll be, creampuff?” Another smirk was pulling at her lips.

“What? What do you mean?” She rocked on her heels, daring not to hope, but her face was already breaking into a grin.

“Where and when do you want to go? You have all of time and space to choose from. I think I owe you a trip after breaking your toys.” Apparently, she had been holding back the full effect of her smirks. Laura had to restrain herself from tackling The Countess, a shudder slithering through her as she flushed.

“I…uh…” She took a deep breath, looking away from the rapidly widening smirk so she could gather her thoughts. “There’s just so many places! Elizabethan London would be great. Could meet Shakespeare. See a play at The Globe. Whitechapel on the eve of Jack the Ripper. Ancient Rome or Greece! Or meet the real Dracula! Or…or the future! I don’t even know. Of course, how could I? It’s the future. No one knows. Or…well…I guess you do. Or maybe just right now…well not, right now, like a few minutes from now but on the other end of the universe! No, wait! Can you take me to your planet? Where you’re from? What’s it like right now?” Laura’s excitement died as The Countess’ smirk fell.

“That’s the one place we can’t go. It’s lost. Any of those other places or times, though, sure. Wherever you’d like.”

“Could we maybe just orbit the Earth for a bit?” She moved a bit closer, fingers skimming the console.

“That’s a bit of a waste for your one trip, cutie.”

“Oh.” Laura’s face dropped, her gaze quickly with it, but a loud whirring jerked her head back up. The Countess smiled down at her.

“Go open the door and don’t worry, the TARDIS has a shell around it. You’ll be able to breathe.” She laughed as Laura launched herself at the door before she even finished speaking. She joined her at a more leisurely pace, dropping down beside her to hang her legs out the door. “I like it up here too. I won’t count it as your trip.” She rolled her eyes at Laura’s knowing smile. “I like the stars this way. All the constellations.”

“Is that why you keep coming back? Back to Earth I mean?” Laura spoke out into the darkness of space, her eyes stuck on the bright orb so close, yet so far away, her eyes trying to pick out Europe. She nearly laughed at herself for trying to find “home.” Dark eyes had not left her face, tracing her nose and lips, imagining a few other similar, but not quite, faces.

“Yeah. Something like that.”


End file.
